Girl to Boy

Check the oil in the pickup on Monday, and clean up any mess; wash the rig on Tuesday and park it in the shade. Wear long sleeve shirts, especially in the summer; it'll keep you from burning; and a baseball cap; put your brim forward; none of that punk-ass backwards stuff those friends of yours like. Get off your butt and wash the windows; every one of them; and don't you leave streaks; only twinkie eaters sit on the couch all day. Don't let your pants sag like that; didn't I tell you to use your baling money for a belt, kid? This is how you fix something that's been broken around the house; this is how you greet your grandmother; this is how you fold military corners when you make your bed. Cut that hair of yours shorter, you look like your sister.This is how you swig a beer; this is how you chew tobacco. This is how you back the boat into the dock and don't you scratch the pick up's paint. Pull at the base not the top of those weeds when you are clearing the tomato patch. Is it true that you were with that punk ass friend of yours Jimmy when the Sheriff caught him with marijuana last week? Always cut your steak before you eat it; and never cook it rare. We're not even friends and I wasn't there. Real men don't camp in tents; don't water the lawn during the day unless you want brown grass; this is how you mow the edges. Turn off the damn lights when you leave a room; are you paying the electricity bill around here. Don't take too much food at dinner; and actually use your napkin instead of wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. Milk goes with meals, water gets drank throughout the rest of the day. This is how load your gun, this is how you fire your gun, and this is how you clean your gun after you're done shooting it. This is how you gut a deer. Don't be stupid or you'll end up spending the night with the Sheriff, and I'm not bailing you out, like those friends of yours. Always call your mom on Sunday nights and your grandma on every holiday and birthday. What if I lose Grandma's number? You mean to tell me you're not even man enough to remember your own grandma's birthday?